You Don't Have to Go Back....

Maybe you have heard this expression:  as different as daylight and dark!  When you think about the type of inky blackness  that can be found in the heart of a cave and juxtapose that against brilliant sunshine on a typical summer's day, you are talking about a huge difference!

I would like to look briefly at the darkness which  the Bible presents, that of the  soul given over to evil as well as to something called  the domain  of darkness  (Colossians 1:13).   The domain of darkness belongs to Satan and the world is influenced by  that domain at the current time. Which means we all lie under Satan's control to some degree or other until we become Christ-followers. Even then Satan's activities impinge on our lives but  now we don't have to bow our knee to him - we  have a choice thanks to the power of Christ within us.

When God Himself transfers us from the kingdom of darkness to His kingdom of light we experience an amazing miracle! The ramifications of that glorious transaction will only be fully realized in Heaven!  For the here and now, however, it means that although we still live in the world, we are no longer citizens of Satan's kingdom.  Instead, we are (or should be) earthly oddballs - well, I think the Bible really  calls us exiles instead of oddballs...

(Hebrews 11:13)   But the point is that Jesus has come into our lives and now we are no longer at home in the domain of darkness and instead find ourselves elevated to the position of ambassador.  Suddenly we have a  new job and that  is to represent God's  Heavenly Kingdom here on earth, no small task.  (II Corinthians 5:20)

As you would naturally expect, Satan doesn't like seeing Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve going over to the  "Light of Christ"  side.  The Bible tells us plainly that Satan is the god of this world (II Corinthians 4:4) and that while he can appear as an angel of light, inside he is actually a roaring lion (I Peter 5:8), seeking people to devour.  John 8:44 tells us that he is the father of lies and John 10:10 says that his goal is to steal, kill, and destroy - the exact opposite of why Jesus came to earth.

So what happens when a child of the King becomes a victim of a narcissist whose heart is pretty dark?  As a Christian, in retrospect, you can see that such a relationship  is destined to become a major battle ground between two diametrically opposing forces.   It's no wonder that life with a narcissist  becomes confusing at best - oppressive, frightening, and dangerous at worst.

At first, assuming the narcissist has also presented themselves as a child of the King, you may feel that you've found your soul mate.  However, psychologists say that within two to four months, the angel-of-light mask will slip and you will see the true heart of your mate.  In those early days, it may just be a glimpse or two now and then.   Gradually, however,  the mask will come off for longer and longer periods of time and the hurtful experiences  will become  more intense.  Yet because of the deception being wielded by the narcissist and because of the wonderful way in which the relationship started, it will be almost impossible  to believe that the nasty person in front of you is the real person.  You will wonder where that loving, kind, "perfect" soul mate went and as the narcissist systematically strips away your self-esteem, you will gradually come to believe that it's your fault that this wonderful person has turned abusive towards you.

Let's look at this scenario in the light of Scripture.   Light cannot have true fellowship with Darkness. (II Corinthians 6:14 NIV).     And Darkness simply does not want fellowship with light.  Instead, Darkness wants to dominate and then eradicate the Light.    And this is what the narcissist tries to do: dominate anyone and everyone in their sphere of influence and through their cruelty, extinguish any Christ light which exists in their mate.   If the enemy of your soul cannot use the narcissist to destroy your faith totally, he will at the very least try to weaken you so that your testimony and your availability to your rightful king, Jesus, is null and void. The battle between the narcissist and their victim is spiritual at heart and as you can imagine, the war can be intense.

If you have survived such a war, you should congratulate yourself and thank God.   Instead of carrying the false guilt that has been heaped on your shoulders by the narcissist, you need to look at the relationship for what it was - a struggle between good and evil, darkness and light - and realize that you have survived a titanic war with your faith intact.  That is no small thing.

In fact, that is a huge thing.

I'd like to close this entry with two items.  First, a Scripture that should be a great encouragement to any believer who has tangled with a classic narcissist:

John 1:1,4 New Living Translation (NLT)

Prologue: Christ, the Eternal Word

1 In the beginning the Word already existed.
    The Word was with God,
    and the Word was God....
2 5 The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it.[b]

Something to think about... the darkness can never extinguish it.  You are free in Christ and as you draw closer to the true lover of your soul, the light of Jesus will grow stronger and stronger within you.

The second thing I'd like to leave you with is a song that our choir sings from time to time entitled, "I Won't Go Back..." by William McDowell.  I can never hear it without being encouraged.  I hope it will be a blessing to you too.